


when your bravery falls away

by coppertone



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, Spoilers, Tragedy, also the kariya scene was supposed to be like the dream he had? i hope that's clear, for the record i took dialogue from the anime for some of the last scenes oop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coppertone/pseuds/coppertone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They walked into the battle with their heads held high, but did they keep their pride until the very end? A comparison of each combatant before the Fourth Holy Grail War and directly after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when your bravery falls away

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [48 Hours](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3888070) by [asdfgjkl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asdfgjkl/pseuds/asdfgjkl). 



> so i finished fate/zero and i've been having some good times thinking about waver since then. please don't read if you're trying to avoid spoilers for the end of the series because this whole thing is rampant with them thank youuu

**Kiritsugu Emiya:** Before. . .

The night before the war, Kiritsugu Emiya cannot sleep; even though his body is screaming for rest, his mind is alight with ideas and questions about the battles to come.  
　　But it’s not like he’s doubting himself now — he has spent the last few years preparing for this, all the while getting that much closer to his wish of becoming a _true_ hero of justice; the Grail will grant him is salvation.  
　　The Grail will grant him the _world’s_ salvation, and it’s for that reason and that reason alone that he swears to himself that no matter what the cost, he will be victorious.  
　　  
**Kirei Kotomine:** Before. . .

Three years ago, Kirei asked Tokiomi and Risei why something like the Holy Grail had chosen someone like him — someone without a wish, someone without a purpose, someone _defective_ — to fight for it.  
　　His complex question was given a simple answer; he was to aid Tokiomi Tohsaka and ensure that he prevailed in the war so that he may reach Akasha.  
　　While Kirei has cooperated flawlessly with both his father and his teacher since that day, there has been a lingering doubt in his mind — a doubt that he hopes to erase by participating in this war.  
　　If he were to win this wish granting machine, what on Earth would a joyless man like himself use it for?  
　　  
**Tokiomi Tohsaka:** Before. . .

Even though he is entering into a war with the weight of a wish passed down through two centuries on his shoulders, Tokiomi Tohsaka feels nothing if not impatient — he’s got premature glory running through his veins already and the fight hasn’t even begun.  
　　The reason Tokiomi isn’t worried is because he’s done all of the calculations and he’s checked them twice; looking at the other Masters he’ll be fighting against, the Grail may as well be sitting in the palm of his hand.  
　　He’s got Kirei and Kirei’s Assassin, as well as Archer — while cocky and far too proud of his own abilities, there’s no doubt in Tokiomi’s mind that his servant Gilgamesh has the power to win this for him.  
　　All that’s left to do right now is wait.  
　　  
**Kariya Matou:** Before. . .

They crawl beneath his skin, the worms, squirming and writhing and making sure the inexperienced Master is always conscious of their presence within him.  
　　But Kariya is strong; strong because he’s foolish, strong because he’s kind, strong because he wants to make that Sakura Matou can soon return to being Sakura Tohsaka and she can live happily again with Aoi and Rin and Tokiomi.  
　　That’s all he wants, really — that’s why he’s fighting for the Grail on Zouken’s behalf.  
　　He doesn’t even _want_ the stupid cup, but he’s more than prepared to die for it.  
　　  
**Waver Velvet:** Before. . .

Really, Waver just wanted to know why his professor, the renowned Kayneth El—Melloi Archibald, would be receiving a package from somewhere so far away as Macedonia — he had no idea what he was getting himself into.  
　　Besides, Archibald _did_ deserve it for making such an idiot of the poor boy; the way Waver saw it, he’d just take a look at what was in the package and then maybe blackmail his teacher with it as a form of revenge.  
　　But when he learned that that arrogant bastard would be taking part in a war above all things, he saw it as his chance to prove to him that titles and bloodlines do _not_ define the strength of a magus — he’d make him eat his words and use the Holy Grail’s power to make people respect him.  
　　That is, _if_ he somehow manages to make it to that point; a novice like himself paired with the almighty King of Conquerors has no way of knowing whether fate will work for him or against him.

**Kayneth El—Melloi Archibald:** Before. . .

So the brat thought that stealing his catalyst and entering the war would show him that strength could be gained through experience and effort instead of inheriting it over time?  
　　Kayneth finds the very idea of it laughable.  
　　Of course, that’s not why he’s planning on fighting tomorrow — to him, Waver is nothing but an ill—educated, immature annoyance that will probably die because of his own stupidity before they get a chance to fight.  
　　What Kayneth is _really_ interested in is the ruthless mage killer who calls himself Kiritsugu Emiya; there is his true enemy. If he could defeat him then he’d be a hero in the eyes of the Mage’s Association — the name Archibald would be remembered and revered for the rest of time.  
　　 _That_ is why Kayneth plans to fight tomorrow.  
　　  
**Ryuunosuke Uryuu:** Before. . .  
Ryuunosuke’s made a lot of mistakes in his life [such as becoming a serial killer] but this time, he feels as though it’s not an error but a gift in disguise.  
　　Caster’s no demon, Ryuunosuke will admit that much, but he gives him exactly what he’s been searching for — a new way of killing.  
　　“What’ll I call you?” From the corner of the room the child he’d kidnapped earlier lets out a whine; the killer sends him a glare. “Also, you wanna eat this kid?”  
　　The hunchback servant flashes a grin, not at all fazed. “You may call me Bluebeard.”  
　　Screw that Holy Grail; Ryuunosuke’s already got his wish.  
　　  
　　  


* * *

**Ryuunosuke Uryuu:** After. . .

“Hey, what happened?” Ryuunosuke drops a hand to his stomach; it comes away covered in blood — his face is practically glowing, completely oblivious to the terrified onlookers whose eyes flick between the dying young man and Caster’s grotesque monster taking up a good portion of Fuyuki river. “That’s so pretty. . .”  
　　Caster’s monster freezes.  
　　“Now I get it; a wonder I never realised it before. Oh man, talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees. . .” His voice is quiet, somewhat breathless, but he’s far too fascinated by the wound to keep quiet. “It was _in_ me.” Ryuunosuke takes a staggering breath as he grits his teeth against the pain. “I was looking for my own guts. I didn’t have to go searching for it — it was hiding right there all along.”  
　　In the centre of his Lovecraftian beast, Caster seems to sense his Master’s pain. “Ryuunosuke?”  
　　“I finally found you.” He speaks to the blood on his hand in a soft, almost content tone. “I’ve been looking for you my whole life. What the hell, man? If you were inside me all along, I wish you would’ve just told me so in the first place. . .”  
　　It’s at this exact moment that Kiritsugu pulls the trigger for the second time tonight.  
　　The servants fight, the bystanders observe and Ryuunosuke Uryuu dies.  
　　  


**Kayneth El—Melloi Archibald:** After. . .

He just wants Sola—Ui to be alright — he doesn’t care if she doesn’t love him back and he doesn’t care if she thinks he’s a coward for lacking the courage to face this war head on; Kayneth El—Melloi Archibald just wishes for his wife’s safety.  
　　 _That’s_ why he agrees to Kiritsugu’s damn terms; because Kayneth met his conditions, that lowly mercenary is now forbidden to cause any direct harm to him or his wife.  
　　 _That’s_ why he uses his final Command Seal to force Lancer to kill himself — the sight is far from beautiful and the knight’s speech is full of anger and disgust as he fades away, but the lecturer is so relieved that it hardly registers with him. “So now the Geis binds you?”  
　　“Yes, it’s sealed.” Kiritsugu responds, gazing at the spot where Lancer stood only seconds before. “I can no longer kill you or Sola—Ui.”  
　　It takes five of Maiya’s gunshots to make Kayneth drop his wife and tumble from his wheelchair onto the ground.  
　　The mage killer doesn’t even look at him. “I can’t, but. . .”  
　　“Kill me.” Kayneth groans. “Kill me now!”  
　　“Sorry, our pact forbids me to.”  
　　Saber’s golden blade is the last thing the professor sees before his vision fades to black.  
　　  
**Tokiomi Tohsaka:** After. . .

Though Kirei’s Assassin has been eliminated far sooner than anticipated, Tokiomi is no less composed than he normally is; he believes it to be the same as losing a pawn in a game of chess — mildly inconvenient, but certainly not enough to tip the scales out of his favour.  
　　No, Tokiomi Tohsaka feels fine — he feels confident. Slightly sorry to have to see his student off so soon, but under Irisviel’s provisos he must do it to assure his success; the two of them understand this much.  
　　The Azoth dagger he gave to his apprentice is a symbol of this understanding.  
　　“Oh my, look at the time.” Tokiomi stands to leave, Kirei following him close behind. “I’m sorry to have kept you here for so long. I hope I haven’t made you miss your flight.”  
　　“No. . .” In the dark parlour of the Tohsaka manor, the priest’s grin shines like the blade in his hand. “Don’t worry about it, my Master.” And before there’s time for anything else, he’s done it; Kirei Kotomine, son of Risei Kotomine and member of the Assembly of the Eighth Sacrament, has stabbed his own Master.  
　　“You see,” Tokiomi’s body falls to the floor, a soft thud in the otherwise silent estate, “I never got around to buying myself a ticket.” 

**Waver Velvet:** After. . .

Honestly, Waver Velvet cannot remember the last time he’s cried this hard.  
　　Well, of course he’s _always_ been a crybaby — the boy’s been nothing but a constant mess of tears since birth. That, alongside his miserably scrawny physique, are two of his biggest weaknesses.  
　　Maybe he misses Rider because Rider helped him to forget about his foibles — it’s kind of hard to ignore just how big the guy is, you know? All brawn without any brain, or so Waver had thought.  
　　But even the great Iskandar had his moments of wisdom, moments of anger and sorrow, moments of everything and anything but regret.  
　　So if he were here to see this, to see Waver all but hysterical, what would Rider think? Would he criticise the way the boy who he once called his Master has folded in on himself like it’ll somehow protect him from feeling any more hurt? Would Rider insult the magus for clutching that stupid video game he bought but never got the chance to play to his chest like it’s some sort of precious artifact?  
　　Waver can only wonder from now on, because Rider’s well and truly gone — it would’ve happened sooner or later anyway, because that’s a servant’s destiny.  
　　But that’s exactly what Waver wanted to change.  
　　“Rider, you idiot.” The boy mumbles through sobs. “Why didn’t you wait?”  
　　  
**Kariya Matou:** After. . .

Zouken’s basement is alive with the worms, but Kariya’s done it. It’s taken a lot, he’ll admit that, but he’s finally saved Sakura; there she stands in front of him, smiling, along with her sister Rin and mother Aoi.  
　　They’re all smiling at him.  
　　The worms in his veins no longer matter, nor does the blood on his hands — they’re all happy, they’re all smiling, they’re all safe.  
　　They’re all free to live their lives just the way they did before that blasted war began; even if they were forced to spend some time apart, Kariya’s fixed it.  
　　[But didn’t he choke Aoi?]  
　　[That night in the church, hadn’t he killed her? Tokiomi, too, but that was the work of the priest.]  
　　[Kariya wouldn’t hurt Aoi — he loves her. He’s endured for her, endured endured endured endured _endured_ —]  
　　Sakura’s dead eyes are all he sees on his final descent into the pit of worms; even through his blurry vision he can see her face as clear as day.  
　　She is not smiling.  
　　  
**Kirei Kotomine:** After. . .

After a lifetime of searching, Kirei Kotomine has finally found what brings him joy in life.  
　　He needn’t try and atone for a sin he never committed — all those years spent leading a meaningless life, doing only as his father wanted, _those_ were sins — those years spent putting himself through all sorts of psychological pain in order to bring himself closer to some sort of realisation, _those_ were sins.  
　　But _joy_ , Kirei has learned, is far from a sin.  
　　His wish may not be the most moral of the wishes the Grail has seen, but it was granted all the same — standing amid the burnt ruins of what was once Fuyuki, Kirei realises that this is what his heart has always yearned for.  
　　 _Destruction_.  
　　He watches with a smile as Kiritsugu stumbles about like a madman, desperately trying to find a survivor; does he really believe that saving one person will compensate for killing hundreds?  
　　Kirei doesn’t care at this point — with Gilgamesh behind him, all the mage is interested in is finding some way to ensure the next time the Holy Grail comes around, the disasters it leaves are even better than this one.  
　　Why destroy one measly part of Japan when you could destroy the entire _world_?  
　　  
**Kiritsugu Emiya:** After. . .

Running through the flames, every dead body he sees serves as a reminder of how many people he failed to keep safe; how could a true hero of justice allow this to happen? Wouldn’t a true hero suspect the Holy Grail to be something far too good to be real?  
　　Wouldn’t a true hero have been able to save even one person?  
　　It’s the island all over again, except this time, there’s no one left to lose.  
　　First Shirley, then his father, then Natalia, then Maiya, then Irisviel; they’re all gone. Hell, even Saber; he’s lost them all one by one.  
　　Everyone is gone, and there’s no one left to blame but himself.  
　　But then he sees it — a hand, small and frail, poking out from the rubble. _Please_ , he prays as he grabs it, _I don’t care what else happens, just let them be alive._  
　　Bright grey eyes blink up at him through a mess of ginger hair, undoubtedly alive but infinitely terrified.  
　　And the heartless, emotionless Kiritsugu Emiya begins to cry. “Thank you.” He says it to the silent boy, to the world, to the heavens. “Thank you so much.”  
　　The war he won may have been nothing but a farce, but Kiritsugu Emiya has won regardless.  
　　Kiritsugu Emiya’s wish has been granted on a far smaller scale, and while he is this boy’s saviour, he can’t help but feeling as though _he’s_ the one being saved.


End file.
